Journal Entry from 10/10/2014
"Alright.. Your ready for this?
It had been a good 4 years since Andrew and I had seen a Dentist. And let me tell you, we needed it BAD. I think the person who needed it most was Kennedy. Yes my 4 year old has a few cavities. uhh.. Well needless to say we were over due to see a Dentist. So Andrew scheduled us a family apt. All 4 of us at once! ( I do not recommend) So bright and early on September 11th we headed to the Dentist. A few hours later, lots of waiting, crying, and some more crying it was my turn. I was last, and it had not gone well for the kiddos, I am pretty sure they thought the Dentist was going to attack them, so they got NOTHING done. FRUSTRATING I tell you.
So I sat in the chair and the first thing the Dentist does was feel my neck. This was a first for me. He then asked me when the last time I had seen a family doc.. hmm.. I have NO idea. He told me I had a lump on my Thyroid that looked like it need to be checked out. Confused I asked him what that would do, he said it common with thyroid problems to see hair loss, overly tired, and weight gain. Yes those are all signs and symptoms of being pregnant and postpartum. We all had a good laugh.
Well I assured him I would ask my OB Dr about it the next morning at my 6 week check up with Isaac.
Well my kids had had it! They were done with the dentist office, and so was I. After he talked to me the assistant was supposed to come clean my teeth. But we count stay a minute longer. (Note to self; don't take multiple kids with YOU to get YOUR teeth done.)
Bah..
So the next morning was my 6 weeks, I brought the lump up with him and he referred me to go see an ear, nose and throat specialist.
I actually wanted to go see one, so I thought it was a bit convenient. Last year was told I needed my deviated septum fixed. Well with us hitting our insurance deductible with Isaac, this was a good year to get it done! So I made the apt for both, Lump in my neck, and deviated septum.
On the 16th I went in. They didn't seem to care about my nose. My Dr. joked with me about my neck. He gave me the most strange complements on my neck. Apparently he doesn't see many young necks ;)
While we were in the office he gave me an ultrasound on the lump, then he took a biopsy. My kids were fascinated by that and kept telling me how proud they were that I was brave! :) They told be before I left that I would hear back from the -results in the next 7-10 days.
As I was driving out of the parking lot the nurse called me. She told me that the Dr wanted me to go down to radiology and get another ultra sound done "at my soonest convenience"
I thought at was a bit weird. Didn't he just do an ultra sound? why would they need another?
I told her that Andrew and I were leaving that night to go to NYC for 8 days, so I would have to do it when I got back. So that would have to do.
Well we were on our trip for about 3 days when I got a voice mail from his nurse. She told me the results were in and that I needed to come in and see them as soon as I could. Well I kind of got a pit in my stomach when I listened to that. That was fast. a bit too fast. I called her back and left her a voice mail telling her I was out of town and wouldn't be able to make it in any sooner.
So the morning after we got home I had my apt. My Dr was out of town, which was kind of a blessing. His partner was the one who was going to see me.
When he came in it didn't take more than 60 seconds for him to say it.
Your results came back and its showing cancer.
Cancer.
Such an awful word. It makes you think of death, awful, painful, hairless, miserable, suffering, sickness growing, death. I don't like to say it.
It sounds a lot better to say I have a lump in my throat, and they have to remove my thyroid.
There that sounds better.
Back to my story...
I remember him talking to me and answering my questions wonderfully It was amazing. Not once while I sat in the office did I feel panic or fear. It was amazing. As he talked to me I felt calm. I am so grateful for that.
I am almost positive that I didn't retain most of what he told me, and I sure had LOTS of questions that I didn't think to ask in the moment.
I felt peace as he talked to me. Such a blessing
I drove strait to my Moms house. I had a busy day ahead. As I walked in the door, my Mom asked... ''So.. what did the Dr say?'' I stood there and starred at her. What do you say!? how do you say it!? "It's cancer." I said it and as I said it the emotions stared to come. What is it about Moms. They tend to pull the tears out. I can be so tough, but when my Mom comes in, I brake down. Its a good thing my Aunt was there, I had to keep in most of the tears, because if she hadn't I probably would have lost it.
Well, My Momma didn't believe me at first. But it sank in. I don't think Andrew believed me at first either.. :)
The rest of the day was research. Research. Research I had left my cell phone in Connecticut so i was phone-less until the shipped it back. (Another blessing in disuse) I was 10 days with out a phone. Sometimes it drove me crazy, but I think for the emotionally well being it was good for me to be alone. with my thoughts and listing to the spirit.
That weekend was relief society general meeting. I went to it with my Mom and two sisters. I felt SO much love from them. I know they sacrificed time and money to come and go with me. I sobbed like a baby. I truly felt like the talks were talking right to me. just me. I sat surrounded my sisters and Mom who are great supports to me. I love my family. I don't think they know who much I do.
It was such a tender mercy to listen to those speakers and hear the words of our prophet talking to the sisters of the church. but mostly to me. We also sat next to Sister Alread who had a daughter in almost the exact same situation go through the same thing. It was so good to talk to her and hear her story.
Answer to prayers. A true answer to prayers.
Through this who experience so far all I have felt is Love. I know that my Savior loves me. I know my family loves me. I can truly feel there love and prayers lift me. It is what is keeping me calm. Keeping me at ease. That is such a blessing.
This whole expensive is so surreal. I physically don't feel any different. but I know I will have a lot of physical challenges ahead.
Tonight I went to my parents to drop off Kennedy and Lucas to sleep over. Then my Dad and Andrew gave me a blessing. How blessed I am to have 2 amazing priesthood holders that love me. who will at any time give me a blessing. It was a sweet experience. I love my Dad and I love Andrew more than words. I rely on them so much.
I am not sure what to expect the next few days, but I know I can get through it because of the prayers and support of my family. I feel like I can do anything with them on my side. It is amazing what the power of prayer can do. I know my Savior knows me. He loves me. and He is here for me."
Something you have to know about my husband and I is we,(like many other teenagers you might know) love to sleep. My family has always given me such a hard time for being a deep sleeper. I have come to learn that jobs and parenting get in the way of that some times. The night before a big surgery I wrote letters to my kids and a brief letter of how I felt. I was out.
Isaac picked a great morning to sleep in.. seeing how he was my alarm, and my husband set his for PM we woke up at 6:10.
Not to worry, we were supposed to be at the hospital at 6. In a crazy panic we got to the hospital no later than 6:20.We lived just a few minutes away and we called the lady on our way and checked in over the phone.
geez
The surgery went great
I LOVED MY DR.
I got along with him great. He answered all my questions, and I felt great peace being under his care.
He is the best.
Everything went smooth. My recovery was perfect.
The hardest thing.. Getting used to taking my medication
